Funny Stories or Jokes

[LazyBoy]

Got any really funny stories or jokes? cos i wanna hear em cos i'm a sad lonely old man with nothing better to do

(btw NO racism will be tolerated, even in jokes)

[LazyBoy]

A school teacher was reading a story to her class of six year olds, the three little pigs. It went a little like this 'three little pigs wanted to build their houses on a farmers field. One wanted a house made out of straw, one wanted one made of sticks and the last one wanted one made of bricks. So, the first little pig went up to the farmers house and asked him "can i have some straw to build a house on your field?" and what do you think the farmer said?' At this point, one of the six years olds stood up and said "i think he said "Holy S**t! A talking pig!" The teacher couldn't teach for the next 10mins for laughing so hard.

[johannine]

dear lazy if you like womans jokes morganas joke pages worth a resd
see http://..com
gotta be better than what your using here at any rate

[dangerguy]

Two ropes, after sauntering around town for some time, work up quite a thirst and walk into a bar. The first rope takes a look around the establishment and spies a sign over the bar that reads "No Ropes Served".

He turns to his friend and angrily says " That's discrimination" while gesturing toward the sign. He continues" I won't stand for it. I'm going to get us some drinks" He then approaches the owner behind the bar and exclaims, "Barkeep! A pint for me and my thirsty friend, and be quick about it."

The large man behind the bar looks over at the small rope and asks, "Are you a rope?"

The first rope replies, " Yes, I'm a rope and a thirsty one at that!!!"

The bartender, unimpressed with the ropes demanding tone simply point up at the sign, shakes his head and begins to talk to another patron.

The first rope, defeated, slinks back to his friend and says, " Well I guess that we need to go elsewhere."

"Nonsense." the second rope replies. "Follow my lead." The second rope then twists himself up, messes up his dew, pulls a few threads out, makes a general mess of himself, grins broadly at his friend and approaches the barkeep. "Barkeep!" the second rope announces. " Two pints and make it snappy.

The barkeep looks over the bar quizzically at the rope and asks " Are you a rope"

"Nope" the second rope replies. "I'm a frayed knot."

[[ Marty ]]

I know a Cow that Quacks! When you clap your hands he goes like "Qua" then Moo. It's very strange.

[mcakkay]

funny quotes:

"Andre Vandapole has four silver medals in cyclocross, and none of them gold." - Phil Liggott, Channel 4 TV

Newsreader, BBC Radio 4: "Working mothers are the backbone of the third half of the economy."

"In Managua, people are cheering in the streets, which are deserted." - CBS reporter during the solar eclipse

"An agreement is not an agreement until the parties to the agreement have reached an agreement." - Irish Politician on RTE radio

"We have two incredibly credible witnesses here." - Sen. Biden at Thomas hearings from Bob Ericson (Marlboro, MA, USA)

"He's going to step down 'til he's back on his feet." - Vermont Public Radio commentator on Jimmy Swaggart's latest sex scandal

Lol